How to Handle Fussy Eating Without Labeling Your Child
Fussy eating can be one of the more challenging parts of parenting. It’s easy to get frustrated and fall into the trap of giving our kids negative labels like “picky,” “difficult,” or even “manipulative.” But the way we talk about our children—especially during mealtimes—matters more than we think.
Labels stick. Not just in our own minds as parents, but in our children’s developing sense of self. If a child is constantly referred to as a “fussy eater,” they may begin to internalize that identity. Over time, they might believe that label defines them—and act accordingly.
Think about your own inner voice. Many of us carry the echoes of labels given to us in childhood—some of them harmless, but others that sting. Maybe you were called “dramatic,” “lazy,” or “stubborn,” and those words still linger in your self-talk. Our children are forming that same inner dialogue now, and our words play a key role in shaping it.
So if you find yourself reaching for a label at the dinner table, pause. These three steps can help you shift perspective before the guilt or frustration sets in:
1: Reframe with Positivity
Instead of saying, “She’s so picky,” consider what that label might actually reveal. Maybe your child is sensitive to textures, smells, or flavours. That sensitivity can be a strength—an attunement to detail or a strong sense of bodily awareness. A future wine connoisseur or chocolatier?!
Rather than “He’s so difficult,” try seeing perseverance and independence. This might be the same quality that will help him stand his ground in more important decisions later in life.
Look for the positive trait behind the behaviour. It’s always there, even if it takes a minute to find.
2: See It as a Phase
Just like learning to walk or talk, learning to enjoy a variety of foods is a developmental process. Children often go through stages of rejecting new foods, favouring the familiar, or needing more control over mealtimes. This doesn’t mean they’ll grow into adults with five foods on their plate forever.
Labelling a child as a “fussy eater” during one of these phases can accidentally freeze that identity in place. Remember: This too shall pass.
3: Separate Behaviour from Identity
It’s one thing to say, “She didn’t want to try the broccoli today.” It’s another to say, “She’s a fussy eater.”
The first keeps the behaviour in the moment. The second implies it’s a permanent part of who she is. When we frame it this way, we give our kids space to change. We make room for growth.
Frustrating as fussy eating is, choosing words that invite our children into a positive, flexible relationship with food—and with themselves—is where to courage the be adventurous lies.
